Well, when the hair goes from all over your body, your daily routine changes completely.

Now mind you, I don’t miss the art of standing in a shower with my leg extended up the shower wall to shave, or the underarm routine as well.

I do miss the eyelashes and eyebrows and even with my background in medicine it took me several days to realize that I was crying, sneezing and my eyes became lost in my face due to those fine hairs no longer in attendance.

My filtering mechanism was gone and with that part of my identity.

I found the daily part of preparing to meet the world a whole lot less time consuming and would giggle as to whose head looked better bald, Ron’s (her husband) or mine!

I stopped looking at the outside and started looking inside, and for someone who had avoided that most of my life it became quite a revelation.

I am not now nor have I ever been an overly confident person, although I have a persona that would deem differently.

The introspection and self affirmations were at times more than I wanted to look at. My perception of what I was and what I had become changed as time went on, and the positive reinforcement, although it came from outside, I decided had to come from within.

Men, I know that you have felt the frustration when your wife continually says, “you just aren’t listening, you don’t understand and don’t tell me the answer.”

I needed support but words from others couldn’t fill the void.

I feel so bad for the caregivers who are standing there feeling like they can’t say or do anything right and continue to try. They are the ones who need uplifting by others and just a reassuring ear but it is guaranteed they won’t seek it out as their scars don’t show.

I started to mend and grow and even yet today I am still learning and growing and it isn’t always a forward step.

Do we talk of cancer now, at home, in the quiet times?

Not often.

I have healed and feel pretty, more from the inside than out.

Do I waffle at times?

You bet, but I don’t know how others have healed around me.

I am not sure of Ron’s journey and where his head is in all of this as it is difficult to discuss.

Do you worry about what tomorrow will bring, and did you grow from this experience or have you shut down in regards to this?

I view life a little different and we do discuss our goals and projections as to where and what 10 years will bring but we rarely bring up the “C” word.

It is still there though, as plain as the hair on your face (or head).

It is a lot like when my hair came back in, it came in fully gray and very curly and quite beautiful but it didn’t last.

Much like the cancer, it came and went and some of what came with the cancer was beautiful and some of it was not so great and even with the good aspects, I don’t want it back.

I don’t want the beautiful hair back if I have to go through what I did before.

Yes, my morning routine has lengthened and with the support of a great beautician, my blonde hair is back as well.

Yet it remains — do you think I am still pretty?